Misadventures: The Borg have come a'callin...

AS the hours wind down toward the beginning of the new school year, I'm finally able to catch my breath. It's been a whirlwind of shopping for supplies, clothes, doctor/dentist/hair appointments, cheer practices, registration papers, meetings....the public school univers has got to be one of the biggest reasons prozac was put on the market. A mother could drown in the relentless waves of needs and deadlines and expectations (are you *sure* you don't want to chair the Reflections program for the PTA? )

Amidst all this upheaval, I am finding a bit of time for quiet reflection in the evenings before bed. As I try to process what this next school year will require of me, nagging doubts flit their way into the wispy recesses of my tired mommy brain. Unwanted questions such as "who will G sit with at lunch?" begin to loom larger and larger. My fears don't seem to want to obey my commands to SCRAM! Don't they know I'm overwhelmed already? Um, no.

I spewed a bit on one of my soaping buddy forums about my biggest fear. I'll just c&P it:

It kinda feels like an invasion...we've invested so much energy trying to provide a safe atmosphere where my kids can be themselves, discover who they are apart from the petty social cliques and negative influences of other kids, get a real 'liberal arts' education, and all that. The public school system just goes against so much of what I believe best produces well-adjusted, thoughtful, compassionate adults. We've always been involved with the community, and I tried hard not to be the type of homeschooling family that circles their wagons to shut out the big, scary world. But I have strived to show my kids what real life is about, how important each one of them is to the larger scheme of things, to persue the things that bring them joy because in doing so, they bring joy to others, and to pay attention to what makes them angry so they can be aware of injustice and work toward creative ways of making things better....

....One of my daughters has turned her back on so much of what we've taught her was important. Her daily ritual consists of her cell phone, her myspace, and her 'boos' (her two best friends and her boyfriend). She's become a queen bee, and she thinks she's all that and more. Her attitude has completely taken on the peers around her. Clothes, activities, thought processes, etc are all part of the group-think. It' s like the Adolescent Borg....resistence is futile, you will be assimilated. It's amazing how cult-like the 'in crowd' can be. I was always on the outer fringes of that exclusive group in school, so this is all new territory for me.

One of the biggest eye-opening lessons we're learning is how EXTREMELY important a diverse group of acquaintences are in a person's life. How can one grow and change without challenges to their personal status quo? The issue with teenagers is that they are so desparate to be acceptable to their peers. They find a few people like themselves (or in my daughter's case the 'in crowd/cheerleader/snob/ditz group') and every particle of their being is judged good or bad based on what the majority of the 'crowd' approves. It's sick, sick, sick. I see it played out with adults too.....my SUV is bigger and shinier than your SUV.....my kids clothes are purchased at the GAP.....my house is in THIS suburb.....we go to THIS vacation spot.....my kids go to THIS school......blah, blah, blah.

The only time peer influence is truly dangerous is when those peers are the ONLY people in a person's life. Our problem is that dd recognizes how out of balance she is, but is reluctant to reach out to new friends. Even outside of school, where she would avoid the tenacious and ferocious scrutiny of her gang, she is hesitant to make any effort to 'start over' as she puts it. Her immaturity slip is showing....but really, isn't making new friends always awkward and weird at first? I can't blame her. But I will still encourage her to enlarge her sphere of acquaintences.

And I think we'll rent the episodes of Star Trek where they encounter the Borg.....think she'll get it?




Naw, I don't think so either.