Musings: Why am I doing this anyway?

This morning I was perusing the forums over at The Well Trained Mind, when I came upon some posts from mamas discussing the 'big picture' of homeschooling and so forth. So I bumbled my way into the convo and here's what came tumbling out (with a bit of editing)....

I've graduated one, and have two in public high school (the three youngers are home with me). I've decided after experiencing the requirements for the SAT's and high school level work that the MOST important ways I can spend my time is teaching WRITING, READING (including note taking and/or outlining) and MATH.

The one area all my older kids have struggled in is listening to a lecture while taking notes, then trying to use those notes to study for the tests. Also, they have no aptitude for dealing with textbooks....I should say no *patience* for them. And yet they all must deal with them on a daily basis. I wish I hadn't shied away from them so much (and of course this wouldn't be an issue for those not planning to send their kids to public institutions).

I'm also realizing that not all my kids are academically driven, and for me to force them to follow a certain curricula (ie WTM or LCC) isn't realistic at all. It takes all the joy out of the journey of learning. It also affects their perception of what is really important in life. I have one dd who really just wants to go to Africa and apprentice to a midwife in poor areas. Writing gives her fits. I still made her do it, but not to the degree I made my older kids who had apptitude in that area.

SO....with my youngers I'm focusing on memorywork (stuffing their wee brains with all kinds of beautiful poetry and prose, useful facts, and latin vocab), learning to read, and doing math. My 6th grader focuses on Math, Classical Writing, Latin and memorywork. All other studies play second fiddle and are learned mostly thru library books. I feel like these are the practical areas that will be of use someday no matter what they become. (Not that they'll need to speak Latin! But the exercise in logic to figure out that language is good for brain cells...)

Someone mentioned above about knowing why you teach what to your kids....what is it you want them to *be* or what you are preparing them for. I think this is really important, especially since I've watched 3 older kids wrestle thru college and high school. Each of them are still trying to find a 'fit' for themselves regarding an occupation. My married son in college is 'undeclared', so his music, literature, and theater profs are all telling him he has the makings of a great musician/writer/actor....now he's fairly confused about this 'hoop' of society, this coveted 'degree'. He's sort of a Jack of all trades, and enjoys many things, so it's hard to narrow it down. I guess I'm glad I succeeded in giving him the basics, and now he's free to explore a wide range of interests.

On the other hand, a very large part of me feels like I failed in the most important department, even though my son goes to school for free (based on his SAT scores) and one dd is 1st in her class....and that is teaching that knowledge puffs up (ie: it isn't good for anything if you can't be nice). I wish I'd have spent more time reminding them that the gifts of intellect are not given just to get free college tuition or to be smarter than the average bear. The gifts we are given should be stewarded in such a way as to make the world a better place...a place where all people whether 'smart' or 'dumb' feel valued and affirmed in their humanity.

My kids may be book smart, and they may not do drugs or get people pregnant....but they are still way too proud of their smarts and way too oblivious to the sufferings of others who didn't have the privelege of being homeschooled, let alone having food and clothing. They are extremely self-centered, and that has been a great disappointment to me...seeing as I've spent 10 years giving up many things to teach them at home. Evidently my modeling hasn't reaped any tasty fruit (yet.)

Sometimes I feel the lure of this consumerist/materialist culture is just too powerful, too tempting, too hard to resist. How can I model a life of gratitude. A life that knows what 'enough' looks like. I fear my sheltering ways as a young homeschooling mother have produced sanitized, individualized, smarties who can't see past the end of their noses.

In light of this epiphany, and as I have been given 2 more opportunities to get it right in the shape of my precocious boys, I'm redirecting and rethinking my values for their education. My curricula will stay the same for the most part, but I want to add a healthy dose of "we're in this life together, all of us, and we need to learn to get along and respect the uniqueness we each bring to the tribal fire. Having a two parent home in a cushy, safe neighborhood with a mommy who teaches Latin and 3 cars in the driveway (making us part of the 8% of the world's total population to even own a car).....does not a kind person make. In fact, it might make for a rather snobbish person. Especially here in Conservative-ville USA.

Why do I homeschool? What are my hopes for these kids in my care? What curriculum choices will best serve them? What if they don't have the same hopes? What if your daughter dyes her beautiful blond hair dark brown and highlights it with fire-engine red?

What do I really want my kids to take away from this 'happy familiar'? Top of the list is:
"It's better to be kind than right".
Number 2 is:
"Love God and love your neighbor"
THEN comes: read beautiful words well, write beautiful words well, and learn to compute the sale price at the local market.

If those get accomplished, I win. I'm still waiting for the results to come in.....