Musings: Last day of school.

Someone pinch me. It's over. I made it. The kids are currently sitting in their respective schools on the last day of the school year. I've gone back and read the posts I made documenting the ups and downs of the start of this year, and the bumps along the way, and I'm incredulous that we're done.

I have a glorious couple months to re-evaluate what will happen for the next school year. Whatever happens, it's gonna be a completely different experience. First off, we'll be in a new house in a new school district. Second, another of my chicks will have flown the nest, shrinking my little brood down to a mere four. Third, I'll have 2 kids in two different school district's high schools....and at least one at home. Haven't completely decided what the 3rd grader will do yet, but I'm holding out hope that he'll still be home with me for yet another year.

In many ways I feel ok with my life, with all the changes that keep things exciting. On the other hand, I feel tremendously afraid, that I might be really wrecking my kids' lives, that this whole moving thing is a mistake. Sophocles said children are the anchors that hold a mother to life. Yeah, he ain't kiddin'. How care-free life would be if I didn't have to worry about the well-being of my kids! And yet how completely meaningless my life would be without them. They bring a grittiness to my life that keeps me firmly planted into the firmament, reminding me I'm still made of dust.

Living with the regrets of my choices and experiences is a part of my life, the twisted threads that make up the tapestry of my being, and so I've resolved myself to appreciating their patterned presence in the fabric. I am a human. I will need to make countless decisions on countless days regarding my kids, and lots of those days will be fraught with stress, lack of sleep, and other earthy stuff that necessarily means I'm not gonna do it 'right' a lot of the time. But I'll try to be honest in hindsight, forgiving in the present, and hopeful for the future.

And I'll buy my kids lots of Summer Snow slushies, cause they make the world a better place.