Moments: She made it.

It's been the longest, shortest 4 years of my life. As I watched my oldest baby girl receive all manner of accolades and awards over the last couple weeks, culminating in her class march to receive her Honors with Distinction Diploma, I found myself in this really weird place....I was straining to 'feel' the significance of these brief moments. Straining to grasp the reality that she'll be moving out within the month, on her own forever, no longer flitting thru my house with friends and emotions and laughter and tears.

I suppose we all do this during defining moments of life....our graduation, our wedding, the birth of our first child, our first mortgage, our child's driver's license, etc. Times we will look back on thru memories in a photo album or the tug of emotion in our gut as we ponder the past. At the time we tell ourselves, "well, this is it, this is a defining moment, and we'll remember this forever." But while I sat in my seat in the massive arena last night, waiting patiently for the stream of red robes to make their way thru the formal traditions of our nation's graduation ceremony, I was struck again by the slow-motion way these events occur as they're happening, only to reach the end and wonder how yesterday the doctor was telling me "you have a girl".

The sages tell us to savor these passing moments, so I've tried to really do so, taking lots of pictures, and basking in my emmense pride over this beautiful creation I brought into the world just 18.5 years ago. I turn over in my mind the little goofy things she did growing up, and passion she exudes for living life. And I'm getting it. We are living in the moment, stressful as it can be, living it fully with emotions in tact and in full swing.

I was worried I should cry at the ceremony and maybe wouldn't. But I needn't have worried. The monotonous pomp and circumstance wove its magic thru the tensions and harried-ness of the last week. Seeing my stunning daughter walk up to her place before the stage in the midst of the music and the banners, I was having a hard time keeping it together.

So here she is, on Awards Night, balancing her many acheivements garnered after four years of hard work, smiling her incandescent smile. And here she poses with her sibs, having moved the tassle from one side to the other:

And here is her dad and I, feeling every bit the 22 year old I was when she was handed to me at St. Joseph Hospital in 1989, still glorying in her presence, still worrying I'll let her down, still feeling incapable of being who she needs me to be for her. And yet, she is an adult now, me a middle age mama, bewildered that she's been mine for such a short time and preparing to let her belong to herself and to the brilliant future that awaits her.

Dearest M,

You are light and strength and irrepressible grace. I look back on the last almost 20 years in fear and trembling, knowing I've not been as I longed to be for you so many times. But as we stand on the precipice of the nest, know that I gave you my heart and now give you my blessing to fly away into your life with joy and expectation for all good things. You are an amazing, talented, beautiful young woman......I am so proud of you, not just because of your accomplishments, but because you are part of me, part of my heart. Be kind to yourself, believe in big things, but don't let the little things pass by without notice. You have so much to offer the world with your smile and your empathy and your passion, and I'm certain you'll be a blessing to many, many people who will cross your path. It's pretty much inevitable.

Thank you for being my Schmodie.

Now, go do your thang, girl!